Jehovah Junkie

One of the more interesting parts of being home on maternity leave is actually seeing all the weird people that come to your door during the day. It can get pretty busy.

Right now, I am being stalked by my friendly neighbourhood Jehovah Witness who is determined to make a convert out of me. It all started last spring when I had a doctor's appointment and was home for the afternoon. I had wedged my svelte seven month pregnant body into the trunk of our station wagon, trying to remove the roughly 8 trillion dog hairs stuck to the carpet when I turned my head and there was this little old lady in a skirt standing about 2 feet away from me serenely smiling and holding a bible. She scared the living shit out of me.

Once I stuck some nitroglycerin under my tongue to get my heart to resume beating at a normal pace, she proceeded to ask me a number of tricky questions such as, "Do you think God is punishing us with hurricanes?" which I found a bit of a stumper to answer. Anyway, my whole religious experience wrapped up with her reading to me from the bible and giving me a freaky magazine. I figured this was a one time thing, so no big deal. I was wrong.

I am now on the Jehovah migratory path and seem to have the uncanny ability to always be home when they arrive and I can't seem to say "screw off". Today I managed to squeak out that I am not interested but at the end when she said she would stop by again, I said, "Okay, see you then." I can't say no. I have had imaginary conversations with her numerous times which have ranged from me destroying the whole Jehovah Witness religion with my uncanny wit and rhetoric to just politely saying thanks, but no thanks, but when push comes to shove, I just can't be assertive enough. If it was anyone else but this little old lady, I could do it, but I just can't.

So she showed up again today and I meekly accepted my magazine as she commented on how much I must enjoy them (yeah, enjoy using them to start the fire) and turned into a spineless weasel once again. Good thing she is not asking for donations or I would probably be handing over my pogey check to her.

If I do run into her again, I do have a question for her. Iain and I noticed that on every Jehovah Witnesses' building, there are no windows and I want to know why.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel because I am going back to work at the end of next month and then Mr. Nice Guy Who Likes To Talk To Everyone will be flying solo. Hahahaha!